Sex: A discussion where vulnerability and authenticity hold the power
Will Hooper is Youth Pastor at LOVECHURCH Bournemouth.
Over the past couple of months we have embarked upon a ‘Sex and Relationships’ series with our young people. We felt the Lord spoke to us in November about opening this conversation, so in January, we began. I felt out of my comfort zone as we entered a conversation filled with nuance and emotion. My heart’s desire was to stay completely in line with my understanding of scripture and to create an environment where every young person would feel welcomed and loved.
Leading up to the series, I set aside time to read all I could about the topics, ask every question I had and speak to anyone who came to mind about how they teach this series. Despite the hours of reading and asking questions, one clear theme prevailed for how we would effectively engage our young people: vulnerability.
Naturally, this terrified me. So we got on our knees and we prayed. We prayed for breakthrough in our conversations, for boldness in our vulnerability and ultimately for young people to meet Jesus. The difference was remarkable. Night by night, chat by chat and tear by tear, walls came down as old hurts and misconceptions were unearthed and Jesus’ truth came in.
‘Despite the hours of reading and asking questions, one clear theme prevailed for how we would effectively engage our young people: vulnerability’
With these raw conversations came greater intimacy in the whole of our youth family as our young people responded openly to leaders sharing vulnerably sharing about their experiences. We learnt again that when we initiate vulnerability, young people often follow suit. We believe that authenticity is the bedrock for intentional discipleship.
One example is a young couple in our youth group (let’s call them Adam and Eve!). During this season, Adam and Eve asked me and other team members for prayer ministry to keep God at the centre of their relationship. They then initiated further conversations with a married couple on our team to learn how to love God first and then one another. It is their vulnerability to ask for guidance and wisdom that opened the door to greater discipleship. I admire their desire for God and their boldness to vulnerably pursue mentorship. Well done Adam and Eve!
Although the Lord was incredibly kind during this series and impacted the lives of many, it certainly wasn’t easy. For many of us the series brought up difficult memories from the past, it triggered some difficult things that presented us as a team with opportunities to be share openly with one another.
As we journeyed these raw conversations and vulnerable moments over several weeks, what we learnt was this:
Young people value authenticity and vulnerability FIRST. Knowledge comes later.
The tendency with a series like this is to assume that the best biblical exegesis will result in the best series but so often with young people, being authentic and vulnerable opens the door to more effectively engage with scripture. Vulnerability opens the door to further discipleship. Our story is what our young people need to hear first, then we can ‘wow’ them with our exegesis.
If you see a potential problem, address it before it arises.
Getting ahead of a pastoral situation with wisdom leads to greater trust and unity. Whether it’s a potential team concern or an awkward situation with a young person, always address it before it is unavoidable.
Relationships overcome disagreements.
Throughout the series we framed it as a ‘family conversation’, we vulnerably shared with the youth and they in turn with us. We have a number of LGBTQ+ youth who throughout this series shared courageously and even if there were disagreements over theology, these young people felt loved and included.
Jesus’ sexual ethic makes sense
Although this may seem obvious, it can be incredibly tough to live out, let alone lead young people in but let me assure you, it’s worth it. The Lord who created us and created sex knows it best and he will give you the words to say.
Onelife Leadership Sessions
Explore fresh, online leadership teaching for your youth group.